


a love that (doesn't) last a lifetime

by earthsgayestdefender



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (In This Timeline At Least), Angst, If This Happens in Avengers 4 I'm Dead, Infinity War spoilers, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 17:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14836221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthsgayestdefender/pseuds/earthsgayestdefender
Summary: They say unrequited romance is one of the worst tragedies one can experience. Humanity has written odes, ballads and record-breaking hits that talk about the pangs and pains of unrequited love. Few can top that of one-sided heartbreak.The only thing worse than Stephen falling for an engaged man is Stephen falling for the one whose noose he has inadvertently hung.





	a love that (doesn't) last a lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> this fic picks up from That Scene in infinity war where tony asks why the gaylord supreme stephen strange gave up the time stone for him. it explores a possiblity of what may happen in avengers 4 from stephen's point of view, but god if this ever becomes canon, the author is going to fling themself into the sun
> 
> EDIT: vincent_177a did a lovely translation of this fic in vietnamese here at https://wp.me/pa0beX-y <3

Stephen calls his name softly, but Tony turns to look at him as though he had screamed. Even from a distance, each of Tony’s emotions are laid bare on his achingly handsome face: confusion, fear, panic, and most prevalent of all, guilt.

 _Why?_ Tony seems to be asking. _Why did you do that? Why did you save me?_  
_  
_ _Because you are worth it,_ Stephen wants to say. He knows that Tony, the wonderful and stubborn man that he is, will be blaming himself for the extinction of half the universe. _Because you will save us all._

Those are but some of the thousands words at the tip of his tongue. Ever since he had travelled through multiple timelines, Stephen found himself constantly holding back. Even so much as a single glance could ruin the victorious future he had glimpsed.

Which was why, although it pained him so, Stephen limited his contact with the people he had called his ‘friends’ in other lifetimes. He tried not to speak too much with Starlord, despite hearing future echoes of the latter’s agonized screams. He tried not to coddle the young Peter Parker too much, despite his newly minted soft spot for the boy.

As always, Tony Stark was another matter entirely.  He kept approaching Stephen, wanting to check how Stephen was doing or what he thought of the plan. Stephen saw care, concern and respect reflected in Tony’s eyes each time they spoke. When he wasn’t stunned by those intense, brown hues, Stephen couldn’t help but compare this Tony’s caring yet ultimately platonic gaze to the Tony he had spent several futures with.

It was a cruel, bittersweet reminder of what he couldn’t have.

Stephen both longed for and feared Tony’s presence. His self-control was wearing thin. All he wanted to do was hold Tony close, to kiss him, to keep him safe from Thanos. He wanted to curse Tony and his kind heart, but Stephen ended up cursing himself each time their hands brushed. He reminded himself that Tony was _engaged,_ and this was no time to act like a lovestruck teenager. Yet, heedless of logic, Stephen’s heart raced traitorously in his chest each time he so much as looked into Tony’s eyes.

For his part, Tony could tell that something had changed. But other than the questions about Stephen himself or the questioning gazes when he described his plan, Tony did not push it.

Stephen was grateful that Tony did not ask too much about the future. He didn’t know how to explain what he had been through. All the deaths he’d witnessed, all the pain he went through, all the joy and love he experienced only for it to fade away in an instant - it was too much to describe to anyone, much more the man who stood by his side in those lifetimes, the man who now knew nothing of what they had been through, the man he had fallen in love with.

 _I love you,_ is another thing that Stephen longs to tell Tony, a sentiment borne out of millions of shared lives together. _You’re brilliant, the world needs you, and I love you._

But he doesn’t get to say any of that. He doesn’t get the chance to.

“There was no other way,” are the words that slip past Stephen’s lips before the rest of him slips away too.

* * *

Stephen does not know how much time has passed since half of the universe’s population had turned into dust. It could be anywhere from mere hours to years since he had last seen Tony Stark.

Stephen is not Time’s keeper anymore, but he is certain of this: death comes both too quickly yet never fast enough.

Life works in the same way. Stephen is alive before he knows it.

He looks around and sees that he isn’t on Titan anymore. He’s on Earth, New York to be exact, with the Guardians of the Galaxy as well as other faces he recognises but hasn’t the pleasure of being acquainted with.

That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that they’re all alive and safe.

Stephen can hardly dare to believe it.  A breathless, awed laugh escapes him. They _won_. Against all odds, they had won against Thanos and against death itself. He turns around to congratulate the heroes, especially Tony who he knows is instrumental to their victory, when he catches sight of a crumpled, red-and-gold figure on the ground.

His whole world tilts on its axis.

Stephen approaches slowly, deliberately ignoring the broken Gauntlet that lies a few feet away. He also tries not to mind Tony’s scarlet-stained face, broken armor, or even how _still_ Tony’s body is. In the millions of realities that Stephen has known him, Tony never remained still for too long.

Stephen does not want to believe it. While the future he had seen through the Time Stone involved this scenario, maybe his worst fears are wrong for once. Maybe he is wrong.

Perhaps there was something he hadn’t accounted for – a 14,000,507th timeline that he hadn’t seen, one where Tony Stark opens his eyes and smiles weakly, quipping about needing to see a Doctor.

And perhaps this is the timeline where Stephen lets out a surprise, relieved laugh and rushes to hold him in his arms. Maybe this is the timeline where they are allowed to be happy.

He hears a loud scream behind him, and all thoughts of happiness turn to dust.

In a blur of blue and red, a sobbing Peter Parker runs past Stephen. He kneels next to Tony, arms thrown over the man’s unmoving body.

Stephen grits his teeth, pushes past the pain – pain’s but an old friend, after all – and hurries to Tony’s other side. He searches frantically for Tony’s hand amidst the rubble, gaze catching on the engagement ring on Tony’s finger. His heart clenches painfully, although it has no reason to, not here, not now.

Trembling fingers find their way to the pulse point on Tony’s wrist.

Stephen waits for an eternity of a second.

Nothing.

The only reason he can keep it together is Peter. He can hear the boy desperately mumbling,  _“Don’t go”_ between heaving sobs. Stephen can feel innumerable sets of hopeful, expectant eyes focused on him. It’s like being in the operating room again, everything hinging on this one moment.

Stephen feels like his entire life hinges on this moment, on whether the man he loves lives or dies.

He takes a deep breath and considers the facts.

One: Tony Stark has defied death an innumerable amount of times.

Two: Stephen is a doctor and master of the mystic arts.

Three: Neither of them have been known to give up without a fight.

Stephen quickly puts his hands on Tony’s exposed chest, filling his palms with golden, electrical charge. He pushes down, stimulating a physical facsimile of a defibrillator.

 _Live, Tony_ , he thinks, begs, prays. _Live._

Minutes pass, or maybe a century does. Stephen refuses to give up.

Tony Stark’s heart refuses to beat.

A faraway voice calls his name and tells him to stop. The sparks fade from his fingers as Stephen jerks his hands away.

He can’t bear to look at Tony’s face. Stephen turns his head away and accidentally catches Pepper Potts’ gaze. He ought to say something to her, but it’s like his thoughts are submerged in molasses – slow, sluggish, useless.

In the end, Stephen doesn’t even have to speak. Pepper must’ve seen it in his eyes, because her face crumples in pain. She presses a hand to her mouth, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks.

For some reason, this is what finally makes Tony’s death sink in. The weight of it, of Stephen’s failure, bears down on him, like the car that had crashed into him years before and almost took his hands. It’s sudden and suffocating, tearing the breath out of his lungs and his heart from his chest.

 _Why?_ Tony’s voice seems to echo in his head. _Why did you do that? Why didn’t you save me?_

 _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._ The thought pounds in his head. He doesn’t know who he’s talking to. Maybe it’s Tony’s ghost, his widowed fiance, or the boy sobbing next to Stephen. _There was no other way…_

Stephen hugs himself as his own tears begin to flow. It is a shallow comfort amidst the rising tide of despair that threatens to overwhelm him.

_...This is my fault._

Peter continues to wail, “Please, please don’t go, Mr. Stark! _Please...!_ ”

Stephen wants to say something, anything to console the boy, but words choke him before they can come out.

They won.

So why did it feel like he had lost everything?

**Author's Note:**

> thank u kristi for being my beta <3 as always, comments (especially constructive criticism) are v much appreciated, even if you're just here to yell at me for putting stephen through that <3


End file.
